Memoir
by KRenee
Summary: -How much more will I love you, after I regain these so-called memories? How much more will I want to hold you, Italy?- -More than you ever knew you could.-


It was the same every year. Italy would leave his home and virtually disappear for hours, and sometimes days. He would return with puffy pink eyes, to Germany's house, and cry for hours before he finally fell asleep in his friend's bed, alone. Germany would complain at Japan, and he would complain a lot, but he was worried. He had only noticed this recently, because Italy usually went back to his own house after that day.

The 6th of August; Germany could not remember what was so important about that date, but it made Italy miserable. He would cry about how he would never find 'that person', and he would bawl about how 'he missed that person'.

He never gave Germany a name, though, leaving the blonde in the dark about the matter.

It was August 5th; the day that Italy would disappear, and the day that he would spend crying and sleeping in his own room, in his own house, away from the world, shut off from the sunlight that he so desperately needed.

It was mid-afternoon when the doorbell rang, and Italy, not thinking of the consequences, answered the door to Germany, his eyes puffy, his face smiling.

"Good afternoon, Germany." He said a lot more politely than normal, "What's up?"

Germany stared at him, his eyebrows furrowed, "Why are you smiling?" he asked bluntly, "You look miserable and pathetic."

Italy stared at him, looking completely startled, "W-well… I'm glad that you stopped by, so…"

"Italy," the taller nation cut in, his expression almost as serious as his voice, 'I want you to tell me what happens on August 6th."

He was slightly alarmed by how much Italy paled, and how fast it happen. He watched as those brown eyes filled with tears, and his smile fell, "N-Nothing important." He averted his gaze completely, reaching up and wiping his eyes. He chuckled nervously, "Heh, why am I crying suddenly? You just asked a simply question…"

Germany opened his mouth to say something, but Italy cut him off, "I have to get going; there's somewhere that I need to be…" He slipped past Germany and was sprinting down the streets a second later. Germany called after him, before gritting his teeth irritably and chasing after him.

It was midnight, exactly; the stars were out and air was crisp and clear. Italy stood over a single tombstone, crouching down in front of it. Tears streamed relentlessly from his eyes, his body trembling with stifled sobs.

"Good evening, Holy Roman Empire." He said softly, reaching out a hand and pulling something from the ground. A small, blonde child sat up out of the grass, his black clothes strikingly familiar to Italy.

"I missed you, Italy," Holy Roman Empire replied with a slight smile. It looked strained, and he held Italy's hand, squeezing it comfortingly, "It's okay, don't cry."

Ital rubbing his eyes, "I'm sorry… I wasn't able to find you…" The chains that attached themselves around Holy Roman Empire led into the darkness of the forest. They were the chains that Italy would follow every year for as far as he could go, and never find the other person they were attached to.

He forced a smile, "I'm sorry; I always cry like this… I should be happier to see you." Holy Roman Empire smiled pityingly at him, reaching up, standing onhis toes, and patting Italy's head comfortingly.

"It's okay; I don't mind if you are sad for me."

"Germany visited me today," Italy said, "I've told you about him before… He wanted to know what was wrong with me every year, and I didn't tell him." He swallowed a lump in his throat that was threatening to strangle him, and choke don a sob, "I'm so useless! Every time something is wrong, every time I get hurt, he is always there to help me, and I can never do anything in return for him! I'm such a worthless friend…"

Holy Roman Empire's eyes widened, and he grabbed Italy's shirt, pulling him forward, eyes wide and threatening, "D-don't say that! You aren't worthless; you do what you can, and even if you can't save him constantly like he does you, you are still his friend! You are always there to comfort him, and you make him happy when you smile! You've told me all of this before, so how can you tell yourself such lies now?!"

Italy stared at him in shock, before pulling him into a tight hug and crying harder, "I'm sorry…"

"I keep telling you to stop saying that." Holy Roman Empire's word were chiding, and comforting, and they only made Italy cry harder.

Germany watched from the darkness of the trees, eyes wide as he watched Italy sob. He wanted to jump out and hug him, but he didn't want to upset him either. He didn't know what to do; a first for him. He didn't know what he was supposed to do, he didn't know how to help his friend.

He heard himself speak, felt his legs move forward, and heard a jangle of metal. When he glanced down out of the corner of his eye, he spotted chains around his ankle. He ignored them, and continued forward, noticing that they seemed to be tied around Holy Roman Empire's ankle as well.

"Italy…" He called uncertainly, continuing to ignore the sound of the chains clinking against each other. The rate at which Italy's head turned seemed painfully slow, as his eyes steadily became wider with each inch of a turn.

"G-Germany…?" He said uncertainly, swallowing hard. He spotted the chains around his ankle, and his eyes got ever wider, tears filling them to the brim and spilling over his cheeks. Holy Roman Empire stared at the taller nation, the one who was still alive. The blonde, his blue eyes matching the Empire's perfectly.

"You found him, Italy!" The Empire shouted excitedly, "We can still be together, Italy…" He kissed the love of his life on the cheek, hugging him tightly.

"I'll make sure he doesn't forget." Italy turned back to face Holy Roman Empire, completely speechless as the smaller one pulled himself out of his arms and patted Italy's head again.

"Who is that?" Germany asked slowly, staring intently at Holy Roman Empire. The younger, nonexistent nation stared back at him, a warm smile on his face as he replied.

"I'm your memories of being the Holy Roman Empire; I'm the rest of you, in a sense."

He was beginning to fade, becoming transparent as he walked over to Germany, the chains growing shorter with every step. Germany stared down at him; Holy Roman Empire stared up at him.

"My memories?"

The Empire nodded, his body continuing to fade. Germany glanced up at Italy, looking slightly stricken. A nod, a smile, no matter how sad it looked, was all the reassurance that Germany needed. This was what Italy had been crying over for hundreds of years; he hadn't been able to find the owner to Holy Roman Empire's self, even though they had been so close all along.

_How much more will I love you, after I regain these so-called memories? How much more will I want to hold you, Italy?_

_**More than you ever knew you could.**_

It didn't hurt, but it was a bit scary. The feeling of regaining something that had been forcefully taking from him was frightening, made him feel sick. The world spun around him a million times faster, and he saw everything that had haunted his conscience for so long.

The feeling of having forgotten something was horrible, but the fear of remembering something unpleasant was worse.

He saw himself die, come back to life under the care of Prussia, and things that he hadn't known he knew were seeming natural to him now. The thought of being so forcefully attracted to Italy made so much sense now; the thought of admiring Roma Antiqua so much made all the more sense to him now. Having seemingly remembered Austria for no reason made all the more sense now that he knew that they had lived together when he had been little. The knowledge of fighting that seemed to come out of nowhere for him seemed simplistic compared to the rest.

He knew _why_. That was the best part; all of these things that had happened to him for seemingly no reason… he knew _why_ now. It was nice, knowing things.

When he came back to life after the world had gone dark, he was lying in the grass on his back, Italy sitting beside him, a worried look on his face. Germany smiled, pulling Italy down and kissing him gently. Italy soft lips were like a dream that he had forgotten.

When they pulled apart, Italy was crying again, throwing his arms around Germany's neck and bawling against his shoulder.

"One more thing," Germany muttered to him gently, "You do plenty for me, Italy. You're smile is all I need."

He could feel Italy smiling against his neck, and he sighed. They lied down together, staring up at the clear sky, the bright stars laughing at their fortune. The world would spin without them, as they remained in that spot for an eternity, together.

"Do you still have it?"

Germany blinked, a chuckle escaping his lips, "Yea, I still have it."

He hadn't understood why all that time, but he never had gotten rid of that deck brush.


End file.
